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[Saturday, December 6]

do u all want to go ktv next week? i am free on monday!!!

por shooms * 9:46 AM

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[Thursday, December 4]

^_^ nice dinner last nite... nice game.. nice icecream.. nice chatting abt guys.. haha

por DrC * 8:26 AM

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sorry sm.. i din see ur msg til now.. heez.. coz i had no comp access over the past few days.. yupz..

por DrC * 8:25 AM

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[Monday, December 1]

hey weijia or whoever's organising the ktv thing. now i'm free on wed, cos my lessons and stuff are cancelled. but minwei has ccy camp. think spleen should be free? anyway yar. so is it still on or not ah?

xq & gloria: i think it's true but i'm not too sure abt that. received it in the email

por shooms * 6:19 PM

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Hey, din noe how to reply sisi and gigi so i decide to do it here..=P
Dun think i wil be joining u guys for ktv lah, wil be quite bz these few weeks or so...btw juz enjoy u ppl!
Erm....the story abit fantasy issit ah?

por crappie * 1:28 AM

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quite touching
but izzit real?
i mean got such a shy guy left in the world?

por xq * 1:18 AM

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[Sunday, November 30]

~ a friend mailed this to me. it's v touching. ~

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.
His name is Jin.
We became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl.

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointed
“No. I am going to meet a friend."

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days. 200days.

Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why.

Then one day.

Me: Um, Jin, I .
Jin: What..don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ..you..um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away.

The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many. One day came, my 15th year old birthday.

When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.

But. lunch passed, dinner passed. and soon the sky was dark. he still didn't call.

It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.

Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin.
Jin: Here.take this.
Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happened.

Then I shouted.
“Wait."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me.
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and
left.

"I don't want to say.that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find
someone else."

That was what he said. Then he ran off.

My legs felt numb.and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily.

How could he..

Maybe he is not the right guy for me.

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.

He didn't call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll
every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my room everyday.

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that I saw him on a street.with another girl.

He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me, as he touched the doll he held in his arms as he walked.

I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell.

Why did he give these to me. Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls.

In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.

Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop
outside my house.

I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that it's going to end.

Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happened.

Soon, he held out the doll as usual.

Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What..why??

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spat out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.

"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.

He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll.

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.

Then.

Honk~ Honk~ With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted.

But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.

"Jin, move!"

"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That's how he went away from me.

That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with the guilt and the sadness of losing him.

After spending two months like a crazy person, I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.

I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days. when we were in love.

"Four hundred and eighty four. Four hundred and eighty five."

There were 485 dolls too.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly.

"I love you~, I love you~"

I dropped the dolls,shocked.

I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"

It can't be!

I pressed all the dolls' stomachs
"I love you~"

"I love you~"

Those words came out non-stop.

I love you.

Why didn't I realize that..

That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.

Why didn't I realize that he loved me this much.

I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.

It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much.

"Jo. Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you.. Um. since I was too shy. If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you. everyday. till I die. Jo. I love you."

The tears came flowing out of me. Why?

Why? I asked, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute.

It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride~

por shooms * 11:00 PM

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~Enemy At The Gates~
A war movie... abt how the Germans were trying to take over Stalingrad. actually they had already successfully stormed the city by air but were unable to enter due to the Russian snipers. The two main characters: a journalist and a sniper. both of them became gd friends in the end. but as in any war movie there is always a love story. both of them fell in love with the same girl. and as always, the girl has to choose. she chose the sniper. at the end of the show, the two guys were having a heart-to-heart talk. the journalist told the sniper something along the lines of this: in Communism (Russia is communist country) u make everything equal... so that no one needs to envy what others have cos everything is shared equally. but at the end of the day, he still envies the sniper. why? cos the girl he loves loves another man. everything is futile. how sad.

por shooms * 1:43 PM

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think jl or bean's in charge of outing

por DrC * 1:54 AM

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haha..oh yah.. i just sign in to blogger for my own blog. so i blog here also.. hehe

por DrC * 1:54 AM

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